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Explore Your Somatic Response

You are having a beautiful day living into your pleasure, and then  you hear that your lover has explored some new romantic connection or erotic experience with another person. Suddenly, you notice a shift in your body. A knot in the stomach begins to form, the heart starts to race in the chest, the breath may feel heavier, and the body becomes tense. Your sympathetic nervous system has kicked into high gear, initiating your body's instinctive "Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn" response to protect you from perceived danger. 


Despite joyfully committing to a non-monogamous relationship style, you experience a significant wave of  somatic feelings, leaving you confused as to how your value systems and the experience of practicing them can be so drastically different. The stress response hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are flowing through your body and impairing your thinking: "will practicing expansive love  always produce such dread?"


I have personally been here, more than once, and it does get better. Regardless of which relationship style you practice, we all have experienced moments of jealousy in our relationships.

But, Why Though?

Years of classical conditioning create an automatic response that can occur in microseconds

relationships are SOOO IMPORTANT. 

when you are activated, we have moved away from the prefrontal cortex and into fight flight freeze faun

no use in processing cognitive processes when you are activated 

bottom up processing of using breath to activate parasympathetic nervous system to feel safe and secure

Find peace through deep exhales...

Take a deep inhale breath through the nose and allow your belly to fill with air, then slowly release the exhale out the through the mouth. Repeat this breath, noticing your body relax as you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, feeling more safe and secure with each round of breath.

To quiet the mind, you can try counting your breath with the inhale as 1 and then the exhale as 2, then you will continue to count up. Once you lose your count, you can always begin again at 1. Try counting up to 10 or longer to relax the mind and body through deep breathing.

Sometimes we will hold tension in between the eyebrows, the jaw, the shoulders, or the hips. Take a moment to release any tension through a deep exhale, finding more peace and relaxation. Try intentionally squeezing your muscles to build tension for 5-10 seconds and then releasing to feel deeper relaxation.

Singing can also help to regulate your breathing. Turn on your favorite grounding song. You can check out my favorite song about non-monogamy here.


Move  tension through the body...

Listen to what movement may help your body to release emotional energy. Try walking outdoors, shaking your body, running, stretching, or dancing to release feel-good endorphins to counter-balance stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.


Explore movement practices that feel intuitive to you. Move in ways that feel pleasurable and nourishing, without judgement or expectation. 

Ask for a hug, place your hand firmly on the center of your chest, or use a weighted blanket to benefit from the grounding of compression.


Slowly bring your attention to the body...

To ground in the here and now of the present moment, you can try connecting with your 5 senses. Take a moment to identify 5 things you can see around you, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

Starting from the top of your head and scan down, then checking  with each part of the body. Observe any sensations that may be present without analyzing or judging them.


Bring your attention to your breath...

Take a deep breath and notice the sensation of air entering and leaving the body. Observe it as it naturally occurs.


identify signs/trigger for future

now that we are regulated, we can process the cognitive

How To Support Your Body

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