The Compass of Consent
A Relational Map for Designing Agreements That Nourish Both Security and Erotic Freedom
The Compass of Consent was designed for individuals who are exploring non-monogamy, expansive relating, or polyamory and want to do so with clarity, compassion, and mutual respect. It offers a structured way to co-create agreements, name boundaries, and clarify what kind of communication and care you need when your partner explores intimacy outside of your relationship.
Consent isn’t just about saying yes or no to a specific act. It’s about navigating how much you want to know, when, and in what ways you want to receive information. It’s about setting agreements that respect your nervous system, your relational history, and your evolving capacity for openness.
Whether you’re just beginning to open your relationship or you’ve been practicing non-monogamy and expansive relating for years, this tool supports ongoing reflection around questions like:
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What kinds of intimacy feel okay for us right now?
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What do I want to know, and not know, about my partner’s experiences?
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How soon do I want to be informed?
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What kind of aftercare helps me feel grounded and secure?
What's Included
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A curated list of over 45 specific acts of intimacy to consider with your partner
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A checkbox system that invites you to reflect on:
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Which acts are within your current shared agreements
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What you want to be informed about
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What kind of communication and timing works best for you
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A notes section with guided prompts to explore your preferences, sensitivities, and relational context
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A full aftercare and reassurance inventory to help you articulate what kind of care feels supportive when navigating charged or complex conversations
Why Nicole Created
The Compass of Consent
Dear Listener,
As a Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist specializing in non-monogamy, I created The Compass of Consent because I saw a missing piece, again and again, in the lives of my Pleasure Practice clients, in my community, and in my own relationships.
Many people open their relationships with care and good intentions, but without the structure or language to navigate the emotional terrain that comes with it. We’re told to “communicate,” but not how much to say, when to say it, or how to create shared agreements that actually feel supportive. We’re told to “set boundaries,” but rarely taught how to explore what boundaries mean when freedom and intimacy start to expand.
This worksheet was born from that gap.
The Compass of Consent is a tool for mapping your current relationship agreements and what kind of care is needed when your partner is engaging intimately with someone else. It includes over 45 specific acts of intimacy from kissing and cuddling to play parties and emotional bonding along with structured checkboxes and reflective prompts. You’ll explore your preferences around timing, transparency, witnessing versus hearing, and how your needs might shift depending on who’s involved.
This tool is informed by my clinical work, my research, and my own lived experience. It draws on somatic psychology, systems theory, and a trauma-informed understanding of how change affects the nervous system. It’s designed not to create rigidity, but to support clarity so that security can coexist with freedom, and consent can remain a living, evolving practice.
I hope this worksheet helps you slow down, speak honestly, and build the kind of relationships that feel aligned, liberatory, and deeply nourishing for you and everyone you’re connected to.
Sending All My Love,
Nicole
Nicole Thompson, M.A.
Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist
Clinical Psychology