Dear Listener,

 

You’ve heard me say it again and again on the podcast we need an emotion wheel for sex and eroticism.

For years, I’ve talked about this. Dreamed about it. Wished for it.

And now, I finally made it.

 

This creation has been living inside me for a long time. A whisper that kept returning, especially after sessions with clients or late-night reflections with lovers. Every time I pulled out the classic emotion wheel in therapy, something stirred in me. That beautiful tool, so often used to help name our internal states, helps create movement. Naming an emotion helps people locate themselves, helps them begin to feel. And once we have words for what we’re feeling: anger, grief, joy, fear. There’s an opening. A way forward. A softening, a shift, a step.

 

And yet, when it came to sex, when it came to pleasure, I kept noticing a gap.

Where was our wheel for this?

Where was the vocabulary for our erotic inner worlds?

 

So often in my work, people would say, “I don’t know what I want.” Or, “It’s hard to explain.” And I knew they weren’t confused or broken or blocked, they were just unequipped. No one had ever given them the language. And how could they name what they’d never been taught to name?

 

That’s why I created this.

The Pleasure Wheel is a tool I needed.
A tool we need.

 

I remember one night so vividly. I was kissing someone, our bodies warm and playful, the air alive with possibility. And then, in the soft space between breaths, they asked me: “How do you like to be touched?"

And I froze.

 

Not because I didn’t want to answer.
Not because I didn’t know what felt good, somewhere deep down.
But because I had no words.

 

My body went quiet. My voice slipped away. There was a blankness where my desire should have been, an ache for language that had never been taught. It’s a moment I’ll never forget. Because it revealed to me just how disconnected I was from my own erotic voice and how many of us are, too.

 

That silence wasn’t just mine. It belongs to all of us who were raised in shame-ridden systems. To everyone who was told not to speak about sex, not to want too much, not to be too much. To those of us who learned to be desirable instead of desiring. To those of us who were never given permission to ask for what we want.

 

And when you don’t have language, you can’t name desire. You can’t communicate it. You can’t even always feel it. And in the worst of circumstances, this absence of words can lead to pain, miscommunication, disconnection, and yes, even trauma.

 

Because to be silenced in your pleasure is to be denied a part of your humanity.

 

But here’s the beautiful truth:
When we do have language, when we begin to say, I want this, I long for that, can you meet me here? Something opens.

 

Desire comes alive. Connection deepens. Healing begins.

 

And it’s not just about sex. That’s the magic of this. When you learn to name what you want in your erotic life, when you build that muscle of self-knowing and communication, you begin to ask for what you want everywhere.

 

You say, I want more rest.

I want more creativity.

I want to be treated with care.

I want to feel free.

 

Because sex is one of the most shame-filled areas of our lives. And if you can speak your truth here, you can speak it anywhere.

 

Language gives us access to our own lives. And it doesn’t kill the erotic. It amplifies it. Talking about sex doesn’t make it boring or clinical. It deepens it. It expands the field of play. It invites imagination, presence, responsiveness. It brings us back to each other, more attuned, more available, more alive.

 

That’s what I’ve found, again and again, in my own body and in the work I do.
The more we talk about desire, not in performative ways, but in real, honest, vulnerable ones, the more space we create to explore it. To live in it. To embody it.

 

And so, today, I’m thrilled to share with you something I’ve poured my heart into:

 

The Pleasure Wheel
A tool to help you name your erotic landscape.

To explore your desires.

To find language for the ways you long to feel.

To deepen intimacy with yourself, with lovers, with community.