Hello Pleasure Activists,

Picture this: a cookie jar perched high on a shelf, out of reach, wrapped in whispers and rules. You were told your whole life that you only get one cookie, one flavor, and one path. You were told that this is all you deserve and all you should even want.

The jar itself was cast in the glow of the forbidden. You were not simply told no; you were told that to hunger for more meant that something was wrong with you. As a result, you learned to quiet that hunger, to tuck it away in the corners of your body, and to keep smiling while swallowing down desire.

For many of us, this was how we learned about love and sex. The singular story of monogamy was presented not as one possibility among many but as destiny. You were expected to meet the one, stay with the one, and die with the one. Anything outside of that narrative was treated as shameful indulgence, reckless appetite, or evidence that you were broken.

Then one day, the jar came down. Someone placed it in your hands. You opened the lid, and there it was: abundance. You found cookies of every flavor, shapes you had never imagined, and scents that made your whole body hum. The first bite was ecstasy, and in that moment you tasted freedom.

I see this moment again and again in The Pleasure Practice. Clients who have spent a lifetime restricted by rigid scripts suddenly step into non-monogamy. They are no longer told that only one cookie is allowed. The jar is open, and they taste the first rush of freedom. The exhilaration is undeniable.

This experience makes perfect sense. After a lifetime of scarcity, you want to try everything. After years of being told that desire itself was dangerous, you want to gorge on what was once forbidden. That hunger is not a flaw; it is the natural response to deprivation.

In the thrill of freedom, another metaphor often emerges, the Pokémon: gotta catch ’em all. Each new connection glimmers like a trading card, a collectible treasure to add to your deck. And suddenly you want to gather as many as possible: lovers, flirts, kisses, play dates, and romances, each one an exciting possibility.

This also makes sense. We live in a culture that has trained us to consume. Capitalism thrives on the chase: more, more, and more. The cycle repeats endlessly, buy, collect, discard, and repeat again. When you combine that conditioning with the hunger of deprivation, the pull to “catch ’em all” becomes incredibly powerful.

However, when we bring that collecting impulse into our intimate lives without awareness, we risk treating others like cards, captured in the thrill of novelty and then abandoned once the shine fades. I have witnessed people get dropped suddenly, their hearts bruised by someone else’s binge. I have also witnessed the person doing the dropping spiral into shame once they realized they had replicated the very extractive patterns they hoped to escape.

This is the tender paradox of the cookie jar moment. On the one hand, your hunger is sacred, and it makes sense that you want to taste. On the other hand, each cookie you reach for represents a human being with a body, a story, and a heart.

The invitation is not to suppress the hunger or to shame yourself for it. The invitation is to bring consciousness to the process. You might ask yourself: am I reaching for this cookie out of desire, or am I reaching out of scarcity? Am I savoring this person as a whole human being, or am I treating them like a card in my deck? Am I willing to hold the responsibility that comes with this sweetness, or am I simply chasing the high?

This is where non-monogamy becomes more than a practice of freedom. It becomes a practice of care. It asks you to hold the tension between honoring your hunger and honoring the humanity of those you touch.

The cookie jar was kept from you by systemic forces, patriarchy, purity culture, capitalism, and coloniality. These systems told you to be ashamed of your appetite and then trained you to consume indiscriminately when appetite finally broke through. This is not only a personal issue or a matter of ego. It is the collision of deprivation and consumerism inside the most tender places of your relational life.

And yet, even in the face of those forces, you still hold choice. You still hold the power to resist the “gotta catch ’em all” script and to write a new one. You can pause, breathe, and remember that liberation is not only about opening the jar. It is about savoring what you choose with intention. It is about learning to taste slowly, to honor the connections that truly nourish, and to build relationships with care rather than collect them like trophies.

In my own life, I remember the dizzying rush of finally opening the cookie jar after years of being told it was off-limits. I remember the intoxication of tasting freedom after years of being told I could only have one flavor. I also remember the moments when my excitement tipped into carelessness, when I chased novelty without pausing to consider the impact. Those moments taught me that freedom without care can quickly replicate the very harms I was trying to escape.

What liberated me was not the number of cookies I tasted, but the way I learned to savor them. I began to listen to my body. I learned to honor the humans before me. I released the need to “catch ’em all” and instead chose what truly brought life to my heart and my whole ecosystem of established relationships.

This is what I want for you as well. I want you to experience discernment rather than suppression. I want you to experience pleasure with responsibility. I want you to experience hunger with care and abundance with intention.

Pleasure is not only about what you take in. It is about the way you take it in. It is about the attention you give, the responsibility you hold, and the compassion you extend. Pleasure is about savoring rather than consuming.

That practice is revolutionary. In a world that trained you to either starve or binge, savoring becomes an act of resistance. To eat slowly, to taste deeply, and to honor the fullness of what you choose is an act of liberation. It is the practice of building a world where relationships are not commodities but living, breathing, sacred connections.

If you find yourself in the cookie jar moment, know this: your hunger is not wrong, and your thrill is not wrong. You can allow yourself to pause. You can allow yourself to breathe. You can remember that every cookie you touch is a human being, not a card in your deck. You can give yourself the chance to savor with care.

Your Pleasure Practice

Journal Prompt: Think of a time when you felt the rush of abundance in love or desire, like the cookie jar finally opening. How did that energy move through you? What would it look like to savor each connection slowly rather than rushing to taste them all?

Embodiment Practice: Bring to mind a person or relationship you want to savor more fully. Close your eyes and notice where in your body you feel their presence. Place a hand there and breathe slowly, as if you are lingering with them in each inhale. Take at least five breaths, letting your body register the pleasure of slowing down.

Relational Tool:  Create a ritual of savoring with the people you love by trying the Relationship Reflection Practice. Once a month, set aside intentional time to answer questions together, such as: What are your favorite moments we shared this month? How have I supported your eroticism? What are you most grateful for in our connection? Rotate roles of speaking, listening, and reflecting. Over time, revisit past answers to celebrate growth and the small moments that might have been overlooked. This practice invites you to slow down, witness each other, and honor the uniqueness of your bond as it unfolds.

Savoring is not about restriction; it is about trusting the depth of what is already here. May this practice help you anchor into the bonds that nourish you most deeply, even as you open yourself to the abundance of the jar.

Sending all my love,
Dr. Nicole

Dr. Nicole Thompson

Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist

​Psychedelic-Assisted Liberation

Clinical Psychology

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