The Five Good Things

Dear Listner,

There was a moment early in my clinical work when I sat across from someone who reminded me of myself, a tender, aching heart still learning how to trust connection. I remember listening to their story and feeling that familiar burn in my chest: the yearning to be understood, the fear of being too much, and the exhaustion from trying to hold it all alone. This person was lacking supportive relationships where they could be seen, heard, and loved for all that they are.

It was in my clinical work, over and over again, that I began to understand something fundamental: we don’t heal in isolation, we heal in relationships.

And yet, so many of us have been taught that mental health is a solitary journey. That it's about self-discipline, grit, or fixing ourselves behind closed doors. What shifted everything for me was my clinical psychology doctoral training in Relational-Cultural Theory, and within it, the Five Good Things of healthy relationships, an evidence-based psychological framework that gave language to the transformative power of connection. Not just any connection, but the kind that breathes life into your being. The kind that restores, challenges, expands, and liberates.

The Five Good Things are:

Zest – the sense of energy and aliveness we feel when we’re genuinely met by another.
Clarity – an honest and mutual understanding of self and other.
Sense of Worth – the deep knowing that you matter and are valued.
Mutual Empowerment – Both people in the relationship feel supported and empowered to grow.
Desire for More Connection – the longing to go deeper, to stay.

I’ve studied a lot, trained as a clinical psychotherapist, steeped myself in feminist therapy, somatic wisdom, systems theory, and trauma work. But it was this, this theory born from feminist psychologists who dared to center relationships over rugged individualism that reshaped not only how I understand healing, but how I live, how I love, and how I show up for my clients.

This lens showed me that mental health isn’t just about coping. It’s about connection. It’s about the ecosystems we’re a part of. When someone walks into my practice now, I’m not just listening for their symptoms. I’m listening for the quality of their relationships. I’m attuning to their sense of worth in the world. I’m noticing where connection has withered, where empowerment has been blocked, and where the longing for more still lives.

This framework not only changed how I work, but it also changed how I see the world.

I see now how often systems whether it be healthcare, education, religion, or capitalism strip us of these Five Good Things. We’re praised for independence, but punished for vulnerability. We’re taught to grind through disconnection rather than turn toward each other with open hands.

But what if we re-centered everything around relationship? What if mental health wasn’t about managing symptoms but about reclaiming connection?

This is what I believe: If we can bring more of these Five Good Things into our lives, into our friendships, partnerships, families, communities, we can change the world.

Not with perfection, but with presence.

Not with control, but with care.

Not with individual heroism, but with collective tending.

So, here’s an invitation: this week, pause and notice where The Five Good Things live in your life.

Who brings you zest?

Where are you met with clarity?

In which relationships do you feel empowered to grow, rather than shrink?

And how might you become a source of those gifts for someone else?

Zest – Pleasure Practice: Notice what lights you up. Who are the people that leave you feeling more alive, more yourself? Spend more time in those spaces. Or create a “zest ritual” (a short walk, a voice note to a friend, or a playlist that brings you back to the pulse of connection).
Clarity – Pleasure Practice: Next time you find yourself in a conflict, try starting out the discussion by saying, “The story I’m telling myself is…”. Give space for repair and co-creation. Clarity doesn’t mean control, it means being brave enough to speak what you are really feeling and not being attached to the narratives our mind creates.
Sense of Worth – Pleasure Practice: Ask yourself, “In which relationships do I feel like I shrink?” Then ask, “Where do I feel most seen?” Let that awareness guide you. Worth doesn’t live in performance, it lives in being witnessed and accepted as you are.
Mutual Empowerment – Pleasure Practice: Look for the relationships where you leave feeling expanded. Offer encouragement, celebrate someone’s risks, and ask for support in return. Growth is mutual, not transactional.
Desire for More Connection – Pleasure Practice: Follow the sparks. If a conversation feels nourishing, say so. Invite more time. Be curious about what wants to grow. We don’t always have to rush, we can linger.

Another world is possible, and together we are co-creating it. One relationship at a time.

Sending All My Love,
Nicole

Nicole Thompson, M.A.

Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist

Clinical Psychology

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